||[03 Sep 2008|08:47pm]
I never use my LJ..and I really should.
||[13 Sep 2005|08:53am]
Mass was great! I feel like a new woman. very at peace. Even though Paul keeps talking about this job situation..okay well maybe not at peace..
|I couldnt have said it any better myself.
||[06 Sep 2005|12:09pm]
Pussy don't fail me now
I gotta turn this boy out
So he don't want nobody else
But me and only me
I know hes a man and men have intentions
To sleep with someone else
But that's why when I make love to him
Try to give him my best hey
As long as the pussy good
Aint gotta worry about my man
Cuz he knows ma's
Is one of a kind
And that's why he keeps staying
The pussy good
Do me, do me, do me, do me
Run through me like flood go through an IV
That's good ill make sure you never will leave
Can I put my booty booty
Up in your spaghetti?
Are you ready for sacary from me
Pussy gushy mushy what more you want from me
Cuz my feelins hit the ceiling
What you want me to be?
Oh, please, pussy don't mess it up for me
||[06 Sep 2005|10:53am]
My bod is much better now! Yay! I had some issues yesterday but i think it was because he pressed really h ard into me, other than that it's been smooth sailing! YAY for sex!!
||[04 Sep 2005|11:29pm]
My body is cooperating and he's passed out...Grr.
|The female condom blows ass!
||[02 Sep 2005|11:41am]
Im trying hard to make this sex thing work with the spotting im doing, This time we tried the female condom. it's like fucking a hefty bag. I didnt lube it up enough..It made a little bit of noise and PLUS he's so big...a bit bigger than that actual condom, we tried..it didnt work. Again i feel dejected and cry myself to sleep.
GOD I HATE THIS BODY.
He tried to console me, He told me it wasnt my fault, but actually it kinda is..-shakes head, tears up.- This is just retarded. I woke up and I wasnt spotting! -Dance!!- But now i am. -cry- I think boyfriend will be earning his red wings tonight.
Yesterday we (he) played 18 holes of golf, it was good to be out with him, in the outdoors, talking and having fun. It was great.
|*Simple middle finger*
||[01 Sep 2005|03:44pm]
Forgive, i couldnt just copy it into my Journal..
But it's funny!
This Depo-Provera is KILLING me..The cramps, The Bleeding.. It's really starting to mess with my head, the thoughts i've been having so far have been far from nice. It's easy to see just how Cary Flipped out after that shower scene..
As we all know the Instead has been officially been dumped.(**See story below.)
We're now moving on to either the sponge or the Female condom. -sigh- Im ready to be getting my freak on..This blows.
After this, no more shots..Im going back to the pill. -Mumbles under breath-
**Okay so Night before last Paul and I are attempting to do the do, Im wearing the slightly fashionable Instead and doing a lil oral deal and after a while he stops me.. "This is supposed to be fun." then suggests we go for a smoke. Pissed, I hop up and go with. "I dont know what to do anymore. SInce i've been back things haven't been the same." Well duh..Im bleeding like a stuck pig. "Well, the shot's got me fucked up..Im pre-occupied with everything.." He then looks at me, with his sexy ass...(Hey i was supposed to be upset.) "We don't even talk anymore..ever notice how quiet it is?" Long sigh, even longer drag. "Yeah..But like I said, my mind is elsewhere..Physically I wanna be with you..." Interupts me. "I don't want us to be only about sex, I didnt think that's what we were about." Pause, Looks up. "No we arnt but again...i have some issues, we'll be okay, promise." I then say im sorry and shut down. Head to bed where I look at him face to face appologize once more and feel tears welling up. I quickly turn and quietly cry myself to sleep.
"Depo_Provera destroys young womans relationship. More at eleven" Tell me that is'nt good TV.
||[30 Aug 2005|01:02pm]
Okay, I didnt go for my test because im spotting :whoo: On sunday we tried sex with a -Instead- which is like a cup that sits inside you basically. He didnt enjoy the instead. Hell and i was more worried about my cup getting pulled out during sex to actually ENJOY it.. ALl in all "It didnt get a huge thumbs up." in his words.
Paul Managed to get drunk on Saturday, I was supposed to, but didnt..He started talking and I still dont know what he was saying. :Shrug:
Sunday We were going to Mass..I had a headache from the Wal-Vert and we didnt go, SO after a while we headed to the store and I made a awesome Lasagna -Grin- verrry tasty. I then began to drink myself silly..(White Zin kicks ass.)
On Monday I headed home for work only to turn around and head back that night for bowling with Wes and Shemi, Brian and Elizabeth, Paul and I. It kicked ass. We then headed to the in alley bar and began to drink..I had two Jose's and a Jack Shot I was pretty happy.
Just got in from Lunch with Paul, I bought him a Broom, dustpan and Kanye West' new CD Late Registration, He'll love it. -grin-
Im learning my way around Holland slowly but surely, I made it from the Roly Poly to the National City to Best Buy then to Starbucks before I came back to his spot! :Dance: Im giddy.
||[24 Aug 2005|12:47pm]
I wanna get married. Im tired of being single..dating...blah blah blah..I want to be married so someone can commit to me (And I to them) and continue on living..No we wouldnt have to run out and make kids..(Hell I would almost rather not have any. but would if it was what he wanted...later down the road.) Being up in arms sucks..being single sucks..and dating only leads to heart break. (Eventually) So fellas Here I go:
Im 24 Irish-African American (Cork and Kilkenny to be exact)
Im big breasted and Have tattoos..and a few piercings.
I like cats. I have a awesome Job, Education and im smart.
I like Artsy Indy films, and CSI. I like wine.
I like Honesty. (Who doesnt.)
He must be able to wait for sex. (Im no longer putting out without some kinda promise.)
I like tall men. (6 foot or taller)
with Slim to athletic build.
Must enjoy Rock and Metal music.
Have a Job (For your benefit, not mine)
and a Car..(again your benefit, not mine)
I prefer a partner who's never served time,
been before a judge or in the back of a police car.
And can adore his wife..with no qualms (I like a touchy feely man)
He must be willing to Move to GR or Relocate me to where he's at.
and willing to Marry within the first year of dating.
These are my requirements...I dont think they're too much.
|let the sexy fun time get started.
||[24 Aug 2005|08:14am]
I hate this fucking shot...
Paul and I did mini putt-putt golf and the water there was blue (Like a toilet drop in) and smelt like toilet water too..Stagnant even though the stuff was being moved around..Nastay. Then we hit the cages..(Batting) That kicked ass. (The Cages sucked..Either they need to be re-set or something the bitches were way off..no where over the plate.) We rented a few movies..never got around to them though. instead got drunk and I passed out (In bed within seconds of laying down! Yum Ativan)
We played scrabble which was cool..on Saturday Doesnt take much to make me happy. I dont think i can say that enough.
Work sucked for him on Monday ..he started talking about looking for another job..I got sick to my stomach and have been queezy ever since..
Im still freaking out about my Test on friday..Im even staring to dream about it..and it never ends well..And my dreams usually are dead on..(I get Deja-Vu ALOT) Lets hope this time im wrong..
We're doing polish fest (Which he confused with Polaski days) here in GR..I cant wait to get a few beers in me.. Paul's gonna teach me to Polka!
I went to confession yesterday..It was a fluke thing it rocked..and I felt tons better!
||[12 Aug 2005|10:57am]
Okay I just found out (And He did too for that matter) He's leaving for Texas On Sunday, But he's leaving for his Man Weekend Today..He wont be back until Thursday..
What am I going to do for that long? I mean I'll be more motivated to do things i should have done a long time ago but still...fucking a week..7days Im tempted to leave before he gets home so i dont have to do the ackward good bye shit..I really dont wanna cry in front of him..at least not today.
AT least I can spend a little time with him before i leave for work. Why couldnt this have been on a weekend that I had to work so my mind is occupied?? Hm?
|After The Boat ride
||[12 Aug 2005|08:53am]
We make a slightly odd looking couple dont we?
|Camping and HORRIBLE pictures!
||[12 Aug 2005|08:40am]
So finally I can get this off my chect about camping last weekend!!
It was fun. Friday night kinda sucked ass. Paul got plastered..-shakes head- Then threw up and was farting and all in all friday was lost.
Saturday went Canoe-ing it was fun, got pictures but..I dont like the way I look in them at all..
(The drawbacks of being a "Model" I guess.) Spending time in the woods wasnt kind to my body or face (While I did pick up a Tan!) Im debating weather or not ill post thoes pics..
We went to bed early Saturday which started out to be a nap lasted well past 1am.
Sunday we went Golfing, only i didnt golf just parked my ass in the cart. Whoo-Hoo!
I had a blast and Paul's awesome..Ya-da ya-da-ya da things you all have already heard.
|Puppy drowning ..
||[12 Aug 2005|07:38am]
I LOVE KLQ but if this actually happens...I'll stop listening to the station and strongly encourage my friends to do the same.
Justice and Jim are going to be "Drowning a Puppy" today to raise water safety awareness in hindsight of two children drowning One in Holland and another in Grand Rapids.
I contacted Peta and they're looking into it..In no way is this Humane even if the dog was going to be put down..
|Today is the day!
||[05 Aug 2005|07:59am]
Okay so this week's looking better (Mostly because it's over) Yesterday after work I drove down to Holland and Paul and I shopped for stuff for this camping weekend Im still VERY nervous but im sure im just making a huge deal out of this. They're going golfing most likely on Saturday...(-Wince-) It's been hella long since i've been out on a course..and even then it was a city course, nothing fantastic, so i have to remember to bring a collar'd shirt.
In Meijers I spotted Ken (-Screams on the inside-) God aweful I'd say. But he didnt say anything and i sure as hell wasnt going to say anything either. I ran back to find Paul..
God I love that man. OKAY! -Beam- He farted the otherday in the bathroom while getting ready for work and all i could do was laugh. I didnt get all nastied out i laughed then went back to sleep.
I don't think his father's too happy with the fact im either Brown, or not Polish..-sniff- Sucks but it happens. Also After sex this week one of the times a ex-girlfriend of his called and he talked to her for a little while..I dunno, It struck a pang with me, but i dont know what I'd call it.
Toya's Goin' Campin' God help me, huh? Hopefully there are no GIANT mosquitos or Bears..-Smirk- This is a test for us I think. Hopefully it doesnt suck and i get so disgusted that i stop talking to him. -LAUGH!-
Well Laundry's finished. -Smile-
|Totally Nicked from Fayth's Journal
||[02 Aug 2005|11:38am]
Have you ever...
[X ] been drunk.
[ x] smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
 snuck out of your parent's house
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger
[X ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[X] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
 been to europe.
[X] skipped school.
[X] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[ ] dropped x.
 cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[X] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[X] had a car.
[x] have a bf.
[ ] have a gf.
[x] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[ ] hate yourself.
[X] think you're attractive.
(haha- i must be confuzzled!)
certain songs i like
[x] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to soul.
[X] listen to techno.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[ ] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[X] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.
[ ] bilingual.
[ ] asian.
[ ] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[x] sick.( in the head)
[ ] single.
[ X] taken.
[ ] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[ ] talking to someone.
[ ] IMing someone.
 just having fun- hell yea!
[ ] scared to die.
[ ] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[ ] in your pjs.
[ ] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
Good gracious im bored!
||[02 Aug 2005|07:47am]
It's been forever since i posted so i figured this morning i would go ahead and do my "Thang" I've been fighting with Tony which just goes to prove im pretty much done with him.
This Past Sunday Paul and I were doing our usual morning talk and i made a comment on what my mom thought of our situation ("It's Stupid.") and then it sparked a whole day of misery and emotions..When he called back i was all but a puddle after hearing what he'd had to say. which was basically "What's making this so wrong? Is it sex? (God no.) Is it because this is as serious as it is? (Newp..okay I lied yes.) So by time he got there (GR) all I wanted to do was be held and not cry (Im too tough for that) We figured we'd be cool.
Im going camping this weekend..-dramatic music- I dunno how that's gonna work.
Lastnight I have to say after nooky on his deck I turn to walk into the apartment and for whatever reason didnt realize the slider was closed and walked face first into the glass..I may have even left a nose print..(So fucking smooth!)
I was antsy most of the night and couldn't sleep so i picked on him for a while and then finally after i bit him went to bed.. It's so much fun talking crap with him..In his words "It seems like i've known you for a long time." I totally feel that way too.
Well, Im gonna do some more laundry get some motivation to shower and get dressed for the day and start moving.